I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
