Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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