I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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