My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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