How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
