My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
