ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
