my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
