I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
