You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
