We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
