She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
