Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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