Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
