sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
