It's Friday. Sex?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
