I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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