I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
