is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
