She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
