also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
