There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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