All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
