we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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