i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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