Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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