Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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