hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
