she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize