I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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