On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
