Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
