He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
