According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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