I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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