I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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