How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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