Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
