every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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