I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
