OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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