He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
