I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
