I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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