He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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