i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
