Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
