he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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