just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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