So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
