there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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