I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
