508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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