so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
