hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
