Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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