i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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