I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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