Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
