My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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