She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
