dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
