he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
