You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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