Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
