she was so not down for the gang bang
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
