Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
