Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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