Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
