Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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