I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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