Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont even know how to be here
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
