can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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