this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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